Farts Are Funny
I don’t know about the women reading Willow’s Grove, but I think I can speak for the majority of the guys when I say that farts are funny. Whether we do it in a crowded elevator, in the public toilet while standing at the urinal, performing the dutch oven or trying to light them with our buddies. I often wonder how long after cavemen discovered fire that they discovered farts were flammable? I can picture after the hunt, the cavemen were gathered around the fire telling stories when one stood up and said, “Hey guys, check this out!”, farting into the flames and setting his mammoth coat on fire from the blue torch shooting our of his butt.
There are times when I crack myself up when I fart in the car while on family outings, holding them hostage to the aroma of my flatulence. This goes along with George Carlin saying, “D’ja ever notice your own farts smell okay?” That is true…for the most part. There are times when you let one rip and you just have to wonder what it is you ate that made such a horrible stench rise up from your bowels. It is as if your bowels were saying, “Hell no! You stink, even for us! Get thee out of here!” (as if your bowels spoke like Shakespearean actors).
This leads me to the reason for today’s entry: farts sometimes do not smell “okay” to yourself. While traveling home today from my usual Thursday morning breakfast meeting, I felt a rumbling and let one go. Hey, I was alone, all by myself. What was the harm? Famous last words. Oh, the stench, the agony! Thank jebus for electronic windows and bless the person who decided to put all four window controls on the driver’s side so I didn’t have to stop the car or attempt to roll down the passenger side window with the crank while driving. Sweet relief, or so I thought. I decided to make a stop at a gas station to buy a soda. Upon reentering the car, I had to look in the back seat to see if someone may have snuck into my car and deposited a turd. I also thought, “did I just soil myself?” Nope, it was the lingering stench from my expulsion of a few minutes prior. Maybe some of it was lurking in the seat cushion, and when I sat down, ready to drive, the force of my said sitting caused it to escape. It could have been a good theft deterrent, though, as anyone who would have attempted to steal my car would have immediately been rendered unconscious.
So remember Grovers: Farts are funny, until you shit your pants!
Stumble it!
Your comment brought back memories of my time training to run a nuclear reactor in Idaho. The favored snack item was burritos and I think the vendor was trying out a new kind. The result was one person ate them and produced an honest to god, swear on a stack of bibles, creeping, green, cloud of death. He immediately exited not just his office but the building (in december without a coat). The cloud expanded from his office and proceeded to drive all of the study area’s occupants gasping and choking from the building. The building had to be ventilated by having a person go inside in a containment suit and open all windows and set up fans.